i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
