you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
