i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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