One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
