I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
