i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
