There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize