My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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