Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
