You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
