A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
