it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
