i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
