he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize