Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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