please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize