Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
