I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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