I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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