Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
