I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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