We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
