I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
