Got a toothbrush?
I heard we made out
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize