Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
