is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
