I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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