I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
