I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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