In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
