Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
