His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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