lets start a swedish sibling band together
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
