i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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