please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
