Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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