I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
