Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
