she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im holly from the hills drunk
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
