Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize