Don't you send me to vm
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize