What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
