my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
