My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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