can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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