We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
