the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize