So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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