Buhtt sex?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
