Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
