ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
