I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i drank out of a bidet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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