im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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