The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
