So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
did i walk over a car last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
