Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
