I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
