ugly people sure do ruin things
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
