big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Everything about him screamed your future.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize