and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
