i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
