Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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