I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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