If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
