Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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