It's Friday. Sex?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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