She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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