she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize